it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
