i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They are going to name an STD after you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.