party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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