as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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