I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I just went to clothing optional bar