he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
