I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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