I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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