dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
