Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
