Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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