Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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