She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont even know how to be here
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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