I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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