bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Houston, we have a blender
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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