haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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