are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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