RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
