did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
