I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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