How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
