Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
