Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
