Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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