So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
