Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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