Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
