I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
