I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
