I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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