New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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