The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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