just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
