i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
