I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
