I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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