Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The Olympian is in my bed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
