too bad you live with your parents still
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's shark week go big or go home
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
