Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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