Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
