I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
