just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
