Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sarcasm needs its own font
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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