True but thats because hes a fetus.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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