We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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