I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He? As in you personified your dick?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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