after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
