I'm lost and stupid without you.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
