I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize