i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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