Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
