My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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