My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
