I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
