she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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