An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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