I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize