so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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