You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there is glitter all over my balls
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