what day is it and did you see me today?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
