I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
