I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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