it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
