Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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