I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
