i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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