you didnt know i had herpes?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
