after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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