i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
