I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
