I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
