I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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