Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize