She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
