Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
