are you so shy because you have an std?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
