I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
