I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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