shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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