hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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