Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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