recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
